Last week, as I met with several of my coaching clients, I noticed a reoccurring theme. With few exceptions, all mentioned something negative that was said or done to them, either in business or by family or friends.

It became clear to me that, in most of these cases, it was a simple phrase, an irresponsible and unsolicited comment, some as far back as childhood.

I could not help but wonder, as some of these situations were being shared, if the person or persons responsible even remembered the behavior or realized the negative impact it had on those individuals?

As I listened to my clients, my process was to try and move them toward minimizing the negative. As I went through the steps of helping them reach a positive resolve, I experienced an ah-ha moment.

When we feel that someone has mistreated us, it hurts, plain and simple. Of course, we can’t keep dwelling on it; we must work to make peace with the situation so that we can move to a healthier place. But do we think about the damage we can cause someone else? Do we take it seriously?

It was a good reminder for me that we must become more responsible. As parents, we must think before we speak, because in a fit of frustration, we may say something – such as calling a child “stupid” -- that could have a lifelong impact. Even in our workplace or within our families, an irresponsible comment could be seen as blatant disregard for the potential consequences that our words and actions could have.

Self-righteousness is toxic. We sometimes forget what it feels like to be alone or overweight or sick or broke. Shooting off our mouths without thinking can convey a message that we don’t intend, but the words have already been spoken.

I’m sure you remember, as I do, the life message that said simply, “Treat others as you would like to be treated.” And in the case of my clients, just something that simple could have made a world of difference in their lives.

Mistreating others is cowardly. Cowards relish in hurting others without coming back to apologize. Cowards don’t allow an opportunity for discussion or at the very least the opportunity to gain a different perspective and maybe even the discovery of a misunderstanding that could easily be resolved.

Our lives are not independent of others. As a matter of fact, the words and actions that we bestow on one another could encourage them to soar to heights beyond belief or plummet to levels from which some never recover.

Matthew 5:3-10 (ESV) gives us something to think about: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.”

It is important for all of us to think before we speak or act, to make certain that what we are communicating is a message we are willing to live with in our own lives or the life of someone else.
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Tanya Wilson is an inspiration speaker living in Charlotte. Friend her on Facebook or email her at tw360you@aol.com

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