For many years I dreaded the holidays. As a single, divorced woman with grown children, I used Genesis 2:18, to justify my feelings. After all, even God said it was not good to be alone without a helpmate.

A couple of years ago I agreed to meet a guy who a friend thought would be “perfect” for me. He was a mature gentleman who worked with my friend, and he had often spoken of wanting to meet a nice woman.

As it turned out, meeting was a non-event for both of us. By the time the night ended my cheeks were sore from an evening of awkward smiling with very little discussion. Later on, we found out that he was actually in Charlotte hiding the fact that he was wanted in Atlanta on a criminal trespassing and property damage charge.

He was later indicted on both. Apparently, following an argument that escalated into rage, he destroyed his former girlfriend’s apartment. I fought hard to resist retreating into the belief that everyone misrepresents and that NO good men were out there.

What I learned from all of this was to embrace my singleness. I realized that I had allowed others to make me question myself. I had begun to feel as though there was something wrong with being alone. Particularly around the holidays, being invited to dinners, receptions and other celebrations, RSVPs as a party of one were often met with comments I don’t believe were intended to hurt but stung quite a bit.

In hindsight, I realized that the words I spoke when submitting my RSVPs betrayed my insecurity. How could I blame others for how I felt?

My growth in this area has become one of my greatest gifts. In addition to embracing my singleness, accepting single as a whole number of 1 was monumental.

Through my new lenses, the holidays are now a wonderful time of celebration with family and friends – something that, incidentally, had been there all along. Heading into the holidays, I am now reminded of Philippians 4:11, which focuses on finding contentment in where you are.

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Tanya is an inspirational speaker in Charlotte. Friend her on Facebook, or email her at tw360you@aol.com.

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