Last week while on a visit to see family, I walked into a hornets’ nest, so to speak. A family secret that had been kept for many years had surfaced.

After 50 years, a cousin discovered that one of their parents had been married previously and had another family. In today’s society a scenario like this seems commonplace. However, 50 years ago, matters like this were often seen as negative.

The pain and suffering the parents must have gone through living with the imposed shame is sad, to say the least. Add to that the pain of a child having lived their entire life without critical information that others had knowledge of. And finally, to be denied a relationship with siblings who were never revealed.

Many families have subscribed to the concept of family secrets. I’ve heard many times what to discuss and what not to discuss. But at the end of the day, who does the secret protect? Is it fair to jeopardize the security and balance of the lives of others in protection of a truth that must be kept?

Truth is what it is. It does not matter how much we may not want it to be the truth, or how much we want to protect someone else from what is real, or how much we want to protect ourselves from the reality. It is more about forgiveness and our ability to love beyond the circumstances and the pain without judgment. Secrets that we commit to orchestrate our lives, along with the lives of others, in a way that is not authentic.

It’s easy to talk about a shortcoming with all parties involved under a covenant of secrecy, but where in the discussion is the love and desire for total happiness in the life of the one discussed? Who will stand up to help usher the injured parties through the storm? Or is saving our own neck more important?

Our Father is not just available to us when everything is going well but in our tough times and wrongful times as well. He is not just a good-time God. The question is, do we trust in that refuge, or do we feel it is better to take matters into our own hands?

I can tell you the hornets’ nest that I walked into did not get any better as long as it was being discussed or added to additional plotting. Once everything was acknowledged and discussed, beyond the tears came forgiveness and the beginning of healing.

That is what it is all about. Forgiveness and healing. There is no room for self-righteousness. No person is without his or her own mistakes. The Bible keeps it real in John 8:7: Whoever is without sin, cast the first stone.

I wasn’t there, but I believe not a stone was thrown.
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Tanya Wilson is an inspirational speaker living in Charlotte. Her column is published here each Monday. Friend her on Facebook, or email her at tw360you@aol.com.

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