Some of us greet the holidays with grand anticipation, while others feel utter dread. At a minimum, we feel a bit of both.

Whether we like it or not, chances are that, throughout the holidays, you are likely to be around more family than usual, and family can trigger us like no one or nothing else.

Why? Because we love them. And because we love them, they can touch us deeply. Sometimes this touch is warm and welcoming. Other times it's harming, even enraging, and our thoughts and feelings tie us up in knots.

The good news is that we can avoid holiday rage by taking responsibility for how we feel and move closer to an experience of joy, which is the point of this magical time.

Consider the following as my gifts to you:

1. Be your own best gift. Spend quiet time with yourself. Start with 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes just before you go to bed. Reflect on what you are grateful for and what you feel good about.

2. Do not over-do, over-commit, over-spend, over-eat, over-stay, over-drink, etc. Overdoing is dishonest, and it builds resentment and feelings of self-betrayal.

3. Be HERE & NOW! Let go of any fixed ideas or expectations you may have of family and friends. Instead, relate to every one as if you were meeting them for the very first time. Imagine interacting with them as if you had no memory.

4. Be Honest. Do things you want to do and say things you mean to say.

5. Reach out when you feel lonely and ask for help when you need it.

6. Remember, you don't have to attend every argument you are invited to. Put space around your worries by taking a few deep breaths. Say to yourself, “This is not personal or permanent.” Become amused by what disturbs you.

7. When triggered, become more curious than critical. Seek to understand the bigger story, not the small one you may be holding. If you must speak, share how you feel without making anyone wrong.

8. Keep it Human. See the full person, not just the part you dislike in the moment. Allow yourself to be touched by their humanness, not just disturbed by their behavior.

9. Treasure everyone. Tell others what you treasure about them without expecting anything in return.

10. Give the gift of kindness. Give your time, attention and expressions of gratitude in place of purchasing gifts.

Ruth King is a lecturer, coach and advisor on issues relating to emotional wisdom. She is the author of the “Healing Rage: Women Making Inner Peace Possible.” See her Web site at http://ruthking.net/
 

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