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Honest error or Freudian slip?
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Dear Alma,
After a year of dating, my boyfriend and I are planning to get married. He has married for seven years and then divorced before we met online. Everything in our relationship is great…but for one thing: When he gets excited and even during intimacy, he calls me by his ex-wife’s name. The first time it happened, I let it go. But it keeps happening. What do you think I should do? What if he calls me by her name at the altar?

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Got a problem? Need advice? Alma is here to help. Her advice column is published each Friday on Qcitymetro.com. Email questions to askalma@qcitymetro.com. All names will be kept in strict confidence.

I did that once, and awwww, Laawd, it was more than embarrassing. Fortunately, it wasn’t during a session of lovemaking or during our wedding vows. It happened as we were leaving for work. I kissed my husband goodbye and said, “Have a great day, Bill.” Which isn’t my husband’s name.

I apologized, and he never mentioned it. Still, it pained me because I would never want to hurt or disrespect my partner. I took it upon myself to make it up to him for weeks to come, and in some very creative ways.

So, having had my own brain freeze, I can believe your fiancé when he says he didn’t mean it. Except it keeps happening. No one’s brain should be that frozen, unless he drives an ice cream truck.

When he did it the first time, did you make a big fuss about it? Maybe you blew it up in his head and now he’s super nervous – NOT!

After trying to see this problem from both sides, I can’t think of a single valid reason why this would still be happening…a year later and especially during intimacy.

If he’s really the man of your dreams, I’d say hang in there and hope the ex never wants him back, ’cause it sure sounds to me like he’s hiding a serious DeBarge – “I Call Your Name” -- meltdown.

On the surface, this may seem minor, but deep inside you know it’s a real problem. Take time to talk with your man about this. Don’t argue or seek to shout him down. Find out why his ex is still so heavy on his mind. Respect his feelings and help him to totally and completely put it to rest.
 



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October 21, 2014
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