I often say that to be an effective educator you have to wear multiple hats. I find that, at any time, I am expected to be a teacher, mentor, therapist, pastor and occasional probation officer.

I had a student who was feeling a bit insecure because of her boyfriend's relationship with his baby’s mama.

Let’s face it; the family unit has evolved since the TV show “Good Times.” Unlike a ’70’s sitcoms, real life produces challenges that are not so easily solved in 30 minutes, like over-priced spoiled meat at the local grocer. (Remember the episode where everyone got sick from the pot roast?)

Right or wrong, people today have multiple partnerships that yield multiple offspring. The more partnerships and offspring, the more complicated that family unit becomes.

So what do you do when there are multiple baby mamas and baby daddies?

If you are seeing someone with children, understand that the children will always come first.

In fact, children should come first. Parents should be more protective of their children. Everyone you date should not meet your children.

My parents divorced when I was in the fourth grade. My mother was a very attractive woman and dated, but I can count the men on one hand that we ever met. She did that because she did not want to complicate things by having us deal with someone who was not going to be a permanent fixture in our lives. Children are not mature enough to effectively disengage like adults.

Some folks don't get it, but once you have children, a permanent bond exists. You can never hope to compete with that relationship. The best you can do is work with it.

If you are committed to the relationship and are willing to do the work, I have a few tips to gain the upper hand:

1. Make sure you look fierce whenever you and the baby mama are in the same space. Nothing screams ‘I'm a sex kitten’ more than a head scarf, granny panties, sweats and flip flops. The “Hustle and Flow” look is so dated.

2. Do not complain to your man about how much time he is spending with his children; save that for everyone else, including your family, friends and unsuspecting strangers caught in the elevator.

3. Don't be so available. Men want what they can't have. Nothing is more alluring than something that’s hard to obtain. When he calls, say you have plans, even if it’s staying home and drawing horns on the baby mama's picture.

4. If you suspect he is still involved with the ex, do not attempt a drive by in your own vehicle. This is when you call a friend to see a movie and take a detour. Set up surveillance on the opposite side of the street. Check supplies: Jazmine Sullivan CD, portable DVD player, popcorn, and video camera. (Black cat suit, crow bar and night-vision goggles are optional).

5. This is the most important. I don't care how bad his kids are, never discipline them. Learn to smile with your eyes, curse them out under your breath and mentally beat them like piñatas.

6. When all else fails, the best way to get over a man is to get next to a finer one....LOL.

If you have a burning questions or observation, check out Ask Professor Locs (Ask Me Anything).
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Professor Locs describes himself as an African American, gay, Southern male who has had an extensive career in higher education. His column appears each Wednesday. Click here to read his blog.

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