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Delta flight, the remix
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Professor Locs, aka Charles Easley, is an educator who explores race, class, gender, sexuality, media and popular culture with humor and insight. His column is published here each Wednesday. Opinions expressed are solely his own. Click here to read his blog.

I am not sure what is going on, but folks have truly lost their minds. When I heard about the white man who slapped the black baby onboard a Delta Airlines flight, I thought it might have been a hoax.

The mother is to be commended for keeping it together after her child was attacked. But I also have to wonder how things might have gone down had the mother been more old-school -- you know, the kind who would have checked old boy at the first eye roll or sigh in her child’s direction.

I’m imagining an emergency announcement from the head flight attendant that might have gone something like this:

Ladies and gentlemen, the pilot has just turned on the seat-belt sign, so please refrain from moving about the cabin. Make sure your tray tables and seats are in the upright and locked position.

“Do not be alarmed by the screams you are hearing. They are coming from a man in seat 11B who is currently getting his butt whooped by an angry mother in 11A.

“If you are seated near an emergency exit, please read carefully the instructions card located by your seat. If you do not wish to perform the functions described in the event of an emergency, tough luck, because it does not look like the mother is going to stop beating this man for any seat changes.

“Normally at this time we request that all mobile devices be turned off, but seeing how this fool will probably not survive this beat down, we are encouraging pictures and video so that he can later be identified by his next of kin.

“We remind you that this is a non-smoking flight. But for those whose nerves are wrecked and have never witnessed the full fury of a black mother, we will permit you to disable the smoke detectors in the lavatory.

“We will be landing soon and have alerted gate agents, so please remain in your seats until paramedics escort what is left of this fool from the plane. If you require assistance or counseling after witnessing this sight, one of our crew members will be happy to assist you.

“We remind you to check around your seat for any personal items such as missing teeth or strands of weave that may have become dislodged during the beat down.

“Do not be alarmed; we are dropping an oxygen mask so that the mother in seat 11A can catch her breath.

On behalf of the entire flight crew, I’d like to thank you for flying Delta Airlines, and we look forward to seeing you on board again in the near future.”

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October 10, 2015
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