Barbara's got a big ol’ but, oh yeah! Qcity's got a big ol’ but, oh yeah! Do'in the but! There's somethin’ wrong, when you're do'in the but all night long.

No, I'm not a closet rapper. Not trying out for American Idol. I am talking about the word "but" and how we use it to avoid making good decisions for ourselves.

I must admit, I haven't looked up the word in the dictionary. After all, we all know what it means. It’s probably derived from the Latin word butimgonnadoitanyway and is often used in sentences pertaining to one's own well being.

Examples are:

I know I don't need to order these biggie fries…but I'm not really fat, just big-boned.

I know that man/woman is no good…but he/she is sooo fine.

I know I should save this money…but those shoes are calling my name.

I know I should keep my cool…but that witch has ticked me off.

I know I should use contraceptives…but I can get away without them, just this once.

I know I should stay away from these drugs, this woman, these friends…BUT…

The word "but" often changes our course away from what is logical and what is best toward what is illogical and dangerous. The word "but" is like the crossing arm at a train track with all its lights flashing, warning us to stop and consider what is coming. Begging us to allow what is before us to pass by. When we ignore the flashing sign, we are in danger of being severely impacted by what follows.

What would happen if we learned to stop when we use the word "but" -- stop to look both ways. Look at what the before statement is and examine the after statement. What if we replaced the word "but" with the word "and" (in question form)?

I Know I don't need these biggie fries…AND? I can order a salad.

I know I should save this money…AND? I already have enough shoes.

The question "And?" begs us to examine the problem and come to a best solution. It keeps us out of trouble, allowing us to proceed to a thoughtful conclusion. It gives us the opportunity to choose what is right for us.

We have all seen the stories of people, in a hurry, I guess, who came to the train tracks. The arm was down and the lights were flashing, but they chose to go around the crossing arm. They knew the train was coming. They heard its loud whistle. They felt the thunderous vibrations as it approached.

A decision was made. "I know the train is coming…But I believe I can beat it."

The results have often been disastrous.

How many lives would have been saved if the "but" had been replaced with an "and?"

Life has a way of teaching us hard lessons when we ignore her warnings. When we run head-on into situations that we know are unhealthy, we are made to understand the life lesson that "you can’t stop a train."
***
D. Barbra McWhite grew up in York County, S.C., and lives in Orange Park, Fla., with her husband and cat. Her column is published here each Tuesday.

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