I have to thank one of my former students for bringing this story to my attention. He is from Detroit and follows the news from home. I also must preface this column by saying that I do not mean to make light of this situation but to point out the ridiculous and unnecessary nature of the incident.

Apparently Dearborn police released a composite sketch of a man they think was involved in a robbery and murder at a beauty supply store. I went to graduate school in Iowa and was always frustrated if not angry about the lack of black hair care products, but I never went to the extreme of beating someone down.

The police report states that two men and a woman shot and killed the store owner and stole 80 bags of human hair extensions. Yes, people, no money was taken...just 80 bags of human hair.

I know many of us are familiar with Chris Rock’s documentary “Good Hair,” where the not-so-secret but complicated world of black hair is discussed at length. I did a Google search on the price of a bag of human hair and it ranges from about $50 to $130 dollars, depending on quality.

We have to remember that, when they say human hair, they are talking about a foreign product usually. You apparently cannot give away authentic black hair in any market.

Back to the story. The police say the suspects drove away in a silver four-door vehicle, possibly a Ford Focus. Police also described the driver as a woman with curly hair.

These may not have been professional criminals but more than likely some fiendish and diabolical stylist.

Can you imagine if these folks were involved in an actual police chase? With 80 bags of hair and an endless option of hairstyles, there is no way the cops would catch them.

Police Announcer: All cars be on the lookout for a silver Ford Focus with a female driver with curly hair.

Not to generalize, but this is Detroit. I am sure there are plenty of black folks driving Fords. This would only add to the confusion, not to mention these are professional stylists in that getaway car.

Police Announcer: Suspect is headed downtown. Again, a woman with curly hair.

The stylist gang begins to work their magic inside the getaway vehicle.

Car 33: This is Car 33. We are in pursuit but driver is now sporting an ornate up-do. Please confirm tags.

Police Announcer: Tags confirmed; continue with chase.

Car 33: Tag confirmed but now driver is wearing an asymmetrical Bob with pink bangs.

Police Announcer: Continue chase, Car 33.

Car 33: Driver has turned off of Main Street and now is sporting a simple but elegant chignon.

Police Announcer: Car 33, note that the Convention Center is in that immediate area.

Car 33: Suspects are fast approaching Convention Center and driver is now sporting two Afro Puffs and has entered the Convention Center parking area.

Police Announcer: There is a national hair show at Convention Center.

Car 33: Confirmed suspects have been lost in crowd. Driver was last seen wearing long, brown dookie braids.

The moral of this story, people, is that you may want fierce hair but no one should have to die for it.

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