The Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence Institute in California has suspended its search for alien life because of state budget cuts.

The institute’s projects are jointly funded by the University of California-Berkeley and SETI, with primary funding from Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen, who donated more than $25 million to the project.

SETI monitors 42 large telescopes aimed at various areas of the cosmos.

"Our current mission isn't to broadcast, but rather to listen to the universe and see what else might be out there,” says astronomer Jill Tarter.

What a waste! I, for one, don't need $25 million to discover other-worldly voices or beings. I believe I have even seen extraterrestrials.

You can sometimes identify aliens by their strange hair patterns or the weird sounds they make. Sometimes they look really weird. Sometimes they are strangely beautiful.

I believe Donald Trump is an alien. His comb-over hair hides his Martian antennae. And his strange speech pattern --"IwantObamasbirthcertificateandIwanttobepresidentIamtherichestmanalive..."

I also think Bishop Eddie Long is an alien. That wig! The only reason a black man would wear a wig like that is to hide a terrible secret. And his suits and vests are straight off the mother ship.

Cee Lo is probably an alien. His bald head does nothing to throw me off his track. How else do you explain that he sings "F You" and makes so many like it? And he has such big white teeth -- not human. Maybe I'm crazy.

Flavor Flav is an alien -- hides his head under strange hats. And what human African American would need to close a chicken joint after only four weeks of operation?

We all know that Snooki is an alien -- no need to say anything more.

Naomi Campbell? Alien -- and a dangerous one at that.

President Obama is probably an alien -- that's why he can’t produce a birth certificate. And those ears!

Lyndsey Lohan is an alien. That explains how she was able to disappear with thousand-dollar jewelry while we humans would be arrested if we left the store with a piece of lint stuck to our shirt. It also explains why she can’t seem to abide by the same set of rules most of us are able to follow.

I also believe Halle Berry is an alien -- though a very beautiful one. That would explain why she and men can’t seem to stay on the same wave length.

Finally, I believe my husband is an alien. What else explains why he can’t understand what I need him to bring home from the grocery store? And what about that strange, loud gurgling sound he makes every night when he lies on his back with his arms thrown back over his head?

So, Mr. Allen, if you are running a little short on cash, I can be your alien-spotter for a whole lot less than you pay those SETI guys.

Maybe we could take a trip to Texas. I have my suspicions about Barbara Bush.
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D. Barbara McWhite grew up in York County, S.C., and lives in Orange Park, Fla., with her husband and cat. Her column is published here each Tuesday.

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