I was up early on Saturday headed out for an event when I almost hit a white woman.
Now before all of you militant, civil-service working, Red Lobster lunching, former Black Panther, ex-patriots start getting excited, I do not condone violence, especially against women.

I was backing out of our driveway when, what do I see in my rear view mirror, but a terrified elderly white woman and her dog.

Our street is usually vacant with very little pedestrian traffic, so I was surprised to see someone up so early.

I rolled down the window and apologized. She smiled awkwardly and continued her walk.
They took my license tag due to an expired registration sticker; can you imagine what they’d take if I actually ran over a white woman?

I bid my neighbor a good morning and drove off into the rising sun. This near collision called to mind some other times in my life when I’ve had metaphorical confrontations with the mainstream.

Here are Professor Loc’s top five white women moments:

1. When drunk white women want to touch my hair at the club. (No gay man wants you messing with his creation.)

2. When they clutch their purses as I am walking through the mall. (Like I would want your designer knock-off.)

3. When they hand me their tickets at the valet parking area. (We did have a wonderful road trip in a custom Mercedes once, thanks to such an episode.)

4. When I’m cutting my lawn and one stops to ask how much I charge. (Trimming the hedges $5; cutting the grass $30; the look on your face when I ring the doorbell sporting a machete and Zulu-inspired ensemble demanding payment, priceless.)

5. When they approach me in the grocery store, Target, CVS or any random Family Dollar asking if I work there, even though I’m wearing a suit. (Whatever they are looking for, I always direct them to the black hair care products aisle...LOL).

Tell me your favorite run in with the mainstream...LOL.

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Professor Locs describes himself as an African American, gay, Southern male who has had an extensive career in higher education. His column appears each Wednesday. Click here to read his blog.
 

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