I’m stopped at a red light and all of a sudden I feel my car vibrate and see my water bottle trembling, like in the movie “Jurassic Park” right  before the T-Rex arrives.

The music, coming from the car beside me, was blasting at levels that satellites could pick up.

I could detect the melodious sounds of F-bombs and N-word this and N-word that. When I looked over to see what young "Yo MTV Rap" wannabe this was, to my surprise it was a woman.

This was not a lollipop, pigtailed, bedazzled, pubescent teenager. No, this vision, sporting a Roots-inspired head wrap, was a cigarette dangling out the mouth, three girls in the backseat, loudly shouting various expletives, hands throwing signs, grown "A" woman. Notice I did not say lady.

Before I venture on, let me submit that the art to acting lady-like may be a dying form. Here are some encounters – or teachable moments, as I like to call them – that I’ve had in recent years:

--I was holding a door for a young female student and she walked in on her cell phone without so much as a nod of acknowledgement. I respectfully called out to her that this was not the Ritz and I was not a bellhop. The phrase, I said, is “thank you.”

--I was teaching at Barber-Scotia College my first year and I had started my lecture when this young female walks in 20 minutes late, tipping and a bouncing, sporting a tight midriff, skirt cut up to the ovaries and stacked heels. Of course all eyes were on her. I got through my lecture and spoke to her after class. I said. “Young lady, you look very cute, but this is a professional environment.” She looked at me blankly. I continued, “You want people to respect you for your intellect, don't you?” (Insert cricket noises.) Finally I said, "Boo, I cannot compete with your cleavage. We are here to develop your mind, not your bust line. Save that outfit for the club.” She never dressed like that again in my class and proved to be a very bright student.

--I was at the drugstore and this young girl was on her cell phone talking loud, cursing and dropping the N-word and F-bombs. She could not have been more than 15. It was one of those days, so I threw caution to the wind, knowing this banshee might shank me. I approached her and politely said, "That is some pretty ugly language coming from such a lovely young lady." She sheepishly apologized and immediately lowered her voice. An older black lady approached me later and said thank you.

Maybe young women want direction but, for whatever reason, are not getting the right support and attention.

I often counsel young women that you direct people, including men, on how you want to be treated. I use my Mom as an example. We would often go bowling, and a man would occasionally use foul language and immediate turn to my Mother and apologize. I noticed that they never directed their apologies toward the other women in the vicinity. This was because my Mom carried herself like a lady.

There is nothing wrong with being strong, independent and confident, but where did we lose some of the softness?

So, for all you women out there who might be struggling with getting your girly nature back, I offer Professor Locs’ 5 signs that you might need a lady makeover:

No. 5. Your idea of getting your toes done is biting them while watching Maury.

No 4. You show up for Easter Hat Sunday wearing a Lakers baseball cap and matching jersey.

No 3. Last Mother’s Day your kids got you a doo rag and a box of Newport's.

No 2. Not only did the UPS man not hold the door for you, he asked you to grab two boxes for him.

And finally, No. 1: You get funny looks from other women in the restroom due to your preference of peeing standing up.
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Professor Locs describes himself as an African American, gay, Southern male who has had an extensive career in higher education. His column appears each Wednesday. Click here to read his blog.
 

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