Hair I go again.

For the past 10 years I've worn my hair natural. You name it; I've rocked locks, twists, braids, Afros and even wigs.

My decision to cut my relaxed hair years ago fit perfectly with where I was at that point in my life.

At 30 years old, I needed and wanted a change. I had three young children, a full-time job and had recently gone through a divorce. I also needed to simplify my life. I decided something had to go, and it was my hair. I was tired of giving up hours of my life sitting in the hair salon. I felt so free when I cut it.

Now 10 years later, I'm ready for change again.

I'll be 40 next month. Recently, something came over me while I was looking at myself in the mirror. As I stood there staring at the woman I'd seen every day of my life, she looked different. She felt different, too.

To test my feelings, I decided to have my Afro blown straight and colored a light brown. I loved it. The bad part was I almost felt guilty as I ran my fingers through my silky straight hair.

"Who is this person?" I kept thinking as I shook my shoulder length hair. I felt giddy when I was able to put my hair in a ponytail.

A few days later, I washed my hair, and when it returned to its kinky state, reality set in.

I felt guilty. It was only a test. How could I have fallen in love so quickly? I really liked my hair straight, and I missed it.

As I tried to sort through my hair mess mentally, I felt as if I was betraying who I was.

After all, I'm a natural woman. I've got the T-shirt that says so and the Afro pick to prove it. Besides, that's how I've defined myself for the last decade of my life. I sworn I'd never relax my hair again, while I proudly pumped my fist in the air.

Now I'm coming to terms with the fact that after all these years I'm feeling the exact opposite. I don't dislike natural hair. I've just outgrown that look.

As I sat in the salon chair while my stylist Tracy based my scalp and proceeded to apply relaxer to my virgin hair, I had a moment. Even though I could feel the cold relaxer in my hair, I still asked, "Are you putting relaxer in my hair?"

"Yes" she replied.

"Wow," I responded in disbelief. "I'm getting a relaxer. I can't believe it."

As I looked in the mirror afterwards, I realize that change isn't easy. Many people stay the same because it just seems easier to do. Not only did I straighten my hair, I cut it off too.

I'm excited.

I've learned to never say “never” and that I can't be defined by how I wear my hair. It's okay if I alter it again, and I probably will.

***
Lashawnda Becoats is Qcitymetro.com style editor. Email lbecoats@qcitymetro.com.

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