My Wii Fit Plus don't like big people

Full Article

My Wii Fit Plus don't like big people

By Professor Locs – April 21, 2010

Font Size:

Share:

Like many of you, I am trying to get in shape for the summer -- swimsuit season, you know.

I have heard all the enthusiastic stories from co-workers and friends about the fun and excitement the new Wii Fit Plus offers. I was determined to become part of the craze, minus headband and leg warmers.

I stalked the Wii Fit Plus for several months. I was like a big game hunter on safari. I scavenged the aisles of Target, Best Buy and Walmart, looking for any sign of the elusive gadget. I almost had one a few weeks ago but a tug of war between me and another patron resulted in a robust and exhausting struggle. I lost. Who knew a woman in her 80s could muster "crack" strength when pushed to the edge.

I was in Walmart recently on some random search for some random item when I saw a Wii Fit Plus out of the corner of my eye. Like a lion in tall grass, I went into stealth mode. I cautiously approached one of the employee's and through clenched teeth whispered, "Excuse me. I would like to purchase a Wii Fit Plus. Can you help me, please?"

I nodded towards the glass case, raising my eyebrows to emphasize that this needed to be a discreet exchange. The associate smiled and I confidently began to turn towards the glass when I heard a loud exchange: "Theresa, you got your keys? I need to get a Wii out of the case."

I felt like one fool lion had just messed up a perfectly good kill and we were all going to go hungry for the next few days.

A woman next to me heard the exchange and immediately took an interest. I followed the associate to the case, shadowing his every move until I finally captured the elusive Wii Fit Plus?

I raced home and followed the instructions and soon had my Wii Fit Plus synced and ready to go. I changed into my workout gear eager for my first session.

I was immediately put off by some of the assessment processes, especially the scale.
I am 6-foot-3 and weigh about 215, which I thought was good for a man my height. But according to the Wii, my ideal weight should be 172 pounds. That would be my ideal weight if I were a 19-year-old, twink, American Idol contestant with an eating disorder.

I have had some pretty tough trainers, but I don't think any one of them has been as brutally honest as the Wii Fit Plus. I stalked this thing for months only for it to tell me I am old, overweight and balance challenged. It is like being heckled by a virtual Eddie Murphy.

The Wii Fit Plus does not just say you’re overweight, it animates and enlarges your avatar, as if you need a visual reference to accompany the verbal abuse.

Another thing is that it makes this very disturbing whimpering noise when you get on the platform. Noises like you are hurting it with your considerable bulk. Again with the insults.
Not one to be easily defeated, I sampled a few of the balance, strength and various exercises, only to become increasingly frustrated. I finally came across a "Zen" game where I was to sit cross-legged on a platform, retaining good posture until a burning candle was "balanced."

I figured I had mastered sitting on my butt and watching TV, so this, I thought, should be a breeze. Again I am not a big dude, but I could not get my butt on the platform. They need a Lane Bryant "Wii Fit Plus Size" for those of us with a little more junk in the trunk.
This was the last indignity!

My relationship thus far with my Wii Fit Plus has been adversarial. I am a pro in baseball, tennis and bowling on the Wii Sports, but I still get no love from the Wii Fit Plus. I feel like I am in an abusive "Ike Turner" relationship.

I watch my diet, work out and even worry about how I look before I muster the courage to face the Wii Fit Plus, hoping today will be the day it notices my hard work and commitment. But like a controlling lover hell-bent on ruining my self-esteem, it offers no words of encouragement.

I tell you, one more insult and I am ready to bust a virtual cap in the behind of my Wii Fit Plus.
**
Professor Locs describes himself as an African American, gay, Southern male who has had an extensive career in higher education Click here to read his blog.