The Internet is awesome. You can learn anything you need to know by looking it up online.

This week alone, I have Googled "refrigerator leaking inside" and discovered how to unclog the plugged drain line.

I also Googled "one pupil dilated in cat’s eye" to discover that my cat had an eye infection. I was then able to search "cat has eye infection" to discover that I could visit my local feed & seed store and buy an antibiotic eye ointment, thus saving a trip to the vet and the accompanying bill.

So quite naturally, when I decided to lose weight, I went online to research the most expeditious way to accomplish it. I read about dieting and about the best exercises to help me quickly reach my goal.

I decided that I would employ a sensible diet and brisk walking, along with weights, to turn me back to the "brick house" of my youth.

The problem was, I had previously sold my treadmill. It had sat idle in my bedroom for too long -- collecting clothes and dust. And while it stood idle, by weight did not.

I soon discovered that the dimples I so admired on the faces of pretty girls could now be found on my backside and on my thighs. So after months of procrastination, I awoke at 6 a.m. last Monday to begin my determined weight-loss program -- a two-mile walk along a well-traveled highway.

The first couple of days went well. I enjoyed the early morning air, and the physical exercise energized me as I began my workday.

But by Wednesday, as I marched toward the one-mile marker, a strange car pulled up beside me and the window rolled down. I was vain enough for a minute to think it was a man trying to make a pass. I should have known better. Two days of walking does not a Jennifer Hudson make!

Inside the car was a woman. "Excuse me," she said. "I don't know how far you're going, but there is a pit bull dog up the road. He is not tied up and is just on the other side of that sign."

I thanked her. I thanked God!

I immediately turned around and hastened to cross the street, not wanting to be on that side when the dog came calling. I practically sprinted home, all the while looking over my shoulder, heart pounding, fearing the animal would pounce at any minute.

Once home, I fretted all evening over whether I could go back out the next day. So I went to the Internet and Googled, "what will deter a pit bull."

Pepper spray -- will make him madder. Mace -- would have little effect. Bullets -- I might miss…might shoot my neighbor…might go to jail for shooting inside city limits.

It didn't take long to discover that, if the pit bull decided to have me for supper, I might as well hand him the hot sauce and jump on the table.

So back to the Internet. This time Craigslist. Found a nice little treadmill -- only $75.00. Gonna use Mapquest and go get it.
***
D. Barbara McWhite grew up in York County, SC, and lives in Orange Park, Fla., with her husband and cat. Her column is published here each Tuesday.

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