So… you've been married for a lot of years. You have persevered, weathered the storms. Nothing can stop you now. Then you learn that Al and Tipper Gore are separating after FORTY YEARS of marriage!

Whose marriage is safe?

What makes a couple leave each other after so long? They say it was a mutual decision and that they have simply "grown apart.”

There has been no talk of Al "goring" some other women or of Tipper "tipping" out. So I am left like the rest of you to wonder WHY?

What is it that makes people leave after so long? What about the shared experiences? The shared memories. The goals achieved together. What about the wealth accumulated, both tangible and intangible, over a 40-year marriage?

I tell ya, folks, if I were a judge and they came to my courtroom seeking divorce, I would refuse. Yes, I would be overstepping my legal limits, but still... I would refuse.

I would look them in the eyes and say: “What the hell is wrong with you two? Have you lost your minds? You want ME to put asunder what has been joined for FORTY YEARS? NO!"

I think folks who have been married for 40 years ought to be made to stay married. You have had alllllll this time to get out, and you didn't. Well, it’s too late. Somebody’s got to set the example.

If I were the judge, not only would I not grant them a divorce, I would threaten to lock them up. Keep them locked in the same cell ’til they come to their senses and agree to stop their foolish talk about separation.

I would also make then stand in my courtroom and have a second marriage ceremony. "Say your darned vows again and get the heck out of my courthouse. You ain't gittin’ no divorce here. If you have grown apart, then grow back together!"

I know some of you are saying that maybe they want a second chance at happiness. Maybe the marriage is so badly damaged that they are unable to repair it. Maybe there is too much hurt. Maybe they no longer love each other and want a chance to know love again before they die.

I say, bullcrap! Unless there is physical abuse or serial infidelity, I say it can still work. See a counselor. Learn how to talk to each other again. Rediscover what brought you together and has kept you together all these years.

Understand that the life you have lived through all these years cannot be repeated with a new partner. A new partner will never understand who you are and "why you are.” Only the one who has lived it with you can fully understand that. And to be fully understood is the basis for real love.

To Al, I say: Brother, lay down the global warming stuff for a minute. You've got your Nobel Prize. Use some of your prize money to make peace in your home. Man, buy yourself a Speedo and take Tipper to some exotic beach. Kiss her under the moonlight like you did for the cameras -- only make it real this time. See if you can melt her "ice caps."

And to Tipper : Sometimes you have to be the leader, my girl. I know he can’t kiss and is boring as a tombs. Girl, wake him up! Go to Victoria’s Secret or Fredericks or somewhere and get something leather. Some stilettos and a whip. Some handcuffs or something. Beat him into submission. Lady, do what you have to do, but don’t walk away. You can do this!

All marriages go through times when all we want is to walk away. That’s ok, too. Take some time apart but don’t make it forever.

Would you work on and pay the price to build a house, year by year, only to tear it down after 40 years because a few things weren't exactly as you like? Or would you fix what’s wrong and be happy in it?

After 26 years, I'm keeping mine...’til death. What about you?
***
D. Barbara McWhite grew up in York County, S.C., and lives in Orange Park, Fla., with her husband and cat.
 

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