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When the h8ters come, fight back
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Dear Alma,
I am very good friends with a man who is well know in our area. He works in a creative field. I've met his family and he has met mine. All good.

The problem is with his women friends. When he and I go to work-related or social events, women seem possessive and want his attention. They've tried to make dates with him in front of me. In one instance, the hostess of the party literally walked him away from me and began introducing him to her friends. She never spoke to me the rest of the night but came back several times to talk with him. I tried to join in and she gave me a death stare.

My friend says I should not let it bother me, but this goes on all the time. I value our friendship, but I'm wondering if I should just limit our get-togethers to one-on-ones. I hate to turn down invites, but it's not much fun if the other women are just going to elbow me aside.
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Got a problem? Need advice? Alma is here to help. Her advice column is published each Friday on Qcitymetro.com. Email questions to askalma@qcitymetro.com. All names will be kept in strict confidence.

Ok, let me see if I’ve got this straight. You wanna know if it’s open season when it comes to your friend, who’s creative and well know in your area?

Hummm, give me a minute…

He’s gainfully employed and has benefits. Check.

He can pass a drug test. Check.

He has all of his teeth. Check.

Nowadays, a man doesn’t even have to be fine with those qualifications. Just standing upright will do. LOL.

Seriously, tho, the answer to your question is: YES! It’s open season on your friend.

Your email reads like you two are having a really nice time together. But it’s early on in the relationship and you haven’t made any serious commitments. The two of you are still checking each other out, enjoying each other’s company, meeting each other’s friends and family.

This is what’s called the “gray area.” Men like the gray area, but woman tend to try to add some color – and quickly. We like to know where we stand. That can sometimes jack you up. It makes you ask for too much too soon.

Personally, I’m all for taking your time. Listen to your heart and your stomach. One or the other will tell you when it’s right or wrong.

When you’re out with him at a party, does he make you feel like you’re together, like you’re the special one with him? You know what I mean. Does he check in with you from across the room -- a glance, a wink, a smile, however that may be?

A man who’s serious about you will make sure everyone else knows you’re his lady. Are you getting that vibe? I ask because that’s what should be most important, not what other women are doing, saying or displaying. Don’t let h8ters misrepresent. Handle your business. I had to do that myself this week.

When unsolicited attention approaches from across the room, if you want him, you’ve gotta bring it. Don’t become lost in the sauce, Miss Demure. These are the moments when you touch up your lip gloss and show them what you’re working with. If you don’t know how, I’d suggest you pull down the shades, lock the front door and watch two episodes of Housewives of Atlanta, New York or New Jersey. Pick one. You’ve gotta learn to add a little more “atti” to your “tude.”

I’m excited for you, sweetie. I say accept his invitations, especially to really interesting and exciting places and events. Lighten up on yourself (and him); enjoy each other’s company and have a great time.

Yes, you’re in a competition, but I’m sure you’re familiar with the rules. In the game of life and love, it’s best to play to win.



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November 27, 2014
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