I was on the train when I overheard two parents anticipating their children’s report cards when they got home.

“My child always does well and made straight A’s last time,” one recounted.

The other spoke with dread: “He just won’t focus, and I can’t get him to sit down and study. I’m thinking of taking him off the basketball team until he gets his act together.”

From kindergarten through college, grades are used to measure a child’s potential. Our children are ranked and judged based on some measuring tool that separates achievers from underachievers – success from failure.

As parents, we become obsessed with grades, and often for good reason: Society rewards our best and brightest.

Helping a child succeed should, indeed, be a parent’s primary focus. But to do that, parents must stay connected, set expectations and provide resources and opportunities for academic success.

Grades on a report card should never be a surprise.

To be effective, parents must track a child’s progress throughout the grading period. A  report card should only confirm what you already expected.

If a grade is lower than anticipated, a parent-teacher conference may be in order. If a teacher is not properly sharing or posting grades, explain to that teacher what you expect. You both should be partners in your child’s success.

Set expectations with your child early in the school year. Allow him to tell you how he intends to make the honor roll, prepare for college or stay eligible for sports – whatever motivates him to succeed.

Write down those expectations and post them in a visible place. Tell your child how you intend to support his efforts, such as being available to help with homework, going to the library or finding a tutor for difficult subjects.

Find ways to celebrate success. Some parents frown on rewarding good grades. Whatever your belief, show your child that you appreciate his effort and are proud of his accomplishments. And with that same level of enthusiasm, support other activities he enjoys.

If your child is struggling, make it a point to find out why. Poor grades may indicate that a student needs to develop time-management skills or help becoming better organized. Others may need help learning how to study or prepare for tests.

I read a recent article where the parent of a high school student said her son performed poorly because of peer pressure. His friends thought it uncool to be smart.

As parents, we must recognize and resolve such issues early. This may require outside help from mentors, coaches, teachers or connecting your child with other students who are academically focused.

As important as grades are, never let them become a wedge between you and your child. Stay focused and be patient, even when you feel like screaming.

You may not see results immediately, but over time, something will take hold.

Macie Caldwell is owner of Macie Caldwell Consulting Services (www.maciecaldwell.org), a Charlotte firm that provides information, tools and resources to parents, students and organizations to assist in preparing students early for college. She writes monthly for Qcitymetro.com.

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